Interview #3
Interview date: 11-14-11
Interviewee: Ashwine K Jha
Interviewer: Tim Coughlin
Location: Atwood Memorial Center, St. Cloud State University
(T) I just want to make sure it’s ok for me to record this interview
(A) Yeah, that’s fine
(T) Ok, so here is a list of the questions for you.
(A) Do you want me to write down my answers?
(T) No, it’s just there for you if you want to see the questions I’ll be asking?
(A) How about I write down how to spell some of the names, because they can be difficult to spell.
(T) That would be great.
(T) Ok. Should we start?
(A) Sure.
(T) Alright, what is your name, and where are you from?
(A) My name is Ashwine K Jha and I am from Nepal.
(T) What city in Nepal?
(A) The capital.
(T) Kathmandu?
(A) Yes.
(T) Great, What is the weather like in Kathmandu?
(A) More of a tropical weather.
(T) Tropical?
(A) Yes, but if we take Nepal in general. Nepal would a small country where we could find different kinds of weather in a generally small area.
(T) Ok
(A) So Kathmandu’s extreme weather would be somewhat like this, right before the snow.
(T) Ok, so kind of like middle fall, a little chilly but not too bad.
(A) Yeah, but there is no snow. Since it’s relevantly near the equator; now if we go a little further north, near the mountains, that’s where we would find snow. So yes, the tropical weather would be more of what you would find in Nepal.
(T) So it’s pretty hot and humid?
(A) Hot and humid in the summer time and then pretty much like this in the winter time.
(T) Well that’s kind of nice; at least you know how to dress for the most part.
(A) Heh, yeah.
(T) Cool. Do you mind if I ask about your family?
(A) No, that’s fine.
(T) Great, So how many people are in your family?
(A) Uh, I have four. My sister, dad and mom, then me.
(T) Four. Is that common? The other Nepalese students that I spoke with also came from families of four. Is it typical for families to have 2 children?
(A) Well in Kathmandu it’s typically more than four; nuclear family. But those people outside Kathmandu, in ancient places, like some of the places you do not want to miss in Nepal. People from those areas have more joined families where the father, grandfather, father’s brothers and their families live together. So you could have a family of 20 to 25 members all living together.
(T) Wow.
(A) Yeah. So the tradition is, ok, Pokhara would be an example I’d like to keep. Pokhara is the third largest city after Kathmandu, it is very known for tourism, and it has a very ancient Nepalese culture… Ok, let’s say a grandfather, father, and his sons live in Pokhara. Now one son moves to Kathmandu, gets a job, settles there, and then starts a family. Now say the other son decides to stay in Pokhara and work he would remain with his family there, because it is considered bad if you have family in the home town and you live separate from them, unless there is a distance between them, like Kathmandu is a little further away.
(T) So if your family was living in say Saint Cloud it would be odd for you to live a few blocks away..
(A) Yeah, exactly. Because society would think, “Why is he not living with his parents?”
(T) Ok
(A) The concept is a little bit different in Nepal than here. Ok, so this is how it works in Nepal. A father and mother works hard to educate, feed, and basically everything else to help the child to become independent. It is there job to do whatever it takes to help their child to become a very good person. Then once the child becomes independent, it is now their responsibility to take care of the parents.
(T) Oh, ok.
(A) It’s kind of a way to pay the parents back.
(T) That’s cool; I think the US was kind of like that back in the day, but not so much anymore.
(A) Yeah, before inflation like in the early 70’s when the mom would stay home to take care of the children and dad would have a job. Then slowly the situation would change and mom would have to work.
(T) Yeah
(A) Like now, I’m an educated person with a degree from America and say I move back to Nepal and find a job. My concept would be that after I marry, my wife would stay at home, unless she would want to use her own degree and find a part time job, because I wouldn’t want to arrest everything that she had started. I wouldn’t want her to work full time though.
(T) So it is ok for women to work outside the home
(A) It is now, but it wasn’t before.
(T) So it was kind of taboo.
(A) Yeah it was kind of a taboo.
(T) Since you mentioned marriage, how old are people when they get married?
(A) There is actually a set age for ladies.
(T) Really?
(A) Yeah, there is no set age for the guys.
(T) Alright.
(A) For the ladies I would say the maximum age would be 25, after that they would be called Budi-Kanya, which means “Old lady couldn’t find anyone”
(T) Basically an old maid.
(A) Yeah. 25 is the cap for the females. Then for the males it’s like 28 to 30. There are still people that get married at like 17 but it’s generally it’s…
(T) So generally in their twenties?
(A) Yeah, the twenties.
(T) Now after the women get married, they generally stay at home, but it is ok for them to go and work if they choose to.
(A) Yes. Depending on… Actually the main authority is held by the eldest member of the family, so my grandfather has the authority to decide whether it is ok for me to allow my wife to work or not.
(T) Ok
(A) Let’s say my grandfather he decides whether it is ok for me to send my wife to work or not. So I have to go and convince him to let me send her to work and if he says no then she doesn’t work.
(T) Does that apply if you are living away from the family also?
(A) Well, if I’m in Kathmandu for examples then I have the authority. Now if we are living with my family, then the elder holds the authority; because if we do not respect what the elder wants us to do it would be considered a big offense.
(T) Wow.
(A) Yeah, so if my wife wants to work, she would come to me and say go and convince your grandfather to allow me to work. Then do you know what I would have to do? I would have to start to make allies; I would ask my dad. I would ask my mom. I would ask my relatives. Then we would all go to my grandfather and have a good talk, to try to change his perception.
(T) I’m sure that’s not too easy, especially when he grew up in a generation where the women did not work.
(A) Exactly, In fact my grandfather did not see my grandmother until the day of the wedding.
(T) So are marriages arranged in Nepal?
(A) Now days, no. Like my mom and dad had a love marriage. You see, how it works over there it depends on the caste; my last name, my surname, actually determines what community I am from and what class of caste I am from. So my last name Jha is my caste, it tells me if I am upper caste, middle caste or lower caste. It also determines my class as well.
(T) I see.
(A) So the reason arranged marriages were preferred is because love marriages do not seek that caste. Like I would not go and ask “So what is your caste?”, “Oh, Ok.” now we can love. Arranged marriages were preferred just so you can continue the blood line, to preserve the value of your name. So now if I would go and marry someone who is lower caste than me, it would be bad for my family. Now take my situation; my dad is a higher caste and my mom comes from a lower caste, so for me I have a better chance to marry anyone.
(T) So you could marry from both castes if you wanted to.
(A) Exactly right. So now like my grandfather, his parents would go to see the girl and her parents. My grandfather has not met her yet, now his parents would as the girl questions like, “Do you know how to cook?” and some few basic questions, then they test her to see how knowledgeable she is on different things. Then if they like her they will be married. So on the day of the wedding my grandfather only knows her name, nothing else. So he would see her for the first time on the day of their wedding.
(T) Heh, Surprise!
(A) Exactly, so now it has changed, parents are becoming more liberal on this, because the people are becoming more educated, so because of this the society has changed and now days it is a little bit less strict, but there are still parents that prefer to go along with the caste system.
(T) Wow! That’s really different from here, because our marriages are entirely love based.
(A) So that’s why I believe our divorce rate is only like 2 percent.
(T) Yeah, and here it’s like 50 percent.
(A) We do have domestic violence though, but the women are taught to be so tolerant. Ok, now let’s say that I were to go and beat my wife, she would not go and tell people that, because society would think that it was because she was unable to keep the family happy. It would also damage the name of the family, which is why they have high tolerance level. The maximum thing she could do would be to go to my family or to hers and then they would get us together and start counseling. Divorces happen in that way.
(T) So does your family negotiate the divorce?
(A) Yeah, because family has a key role in everything. So, if my wife and I want to divorce then we would go to our families and we would sit and talk. Then they would work together to make it not so big of an issue.
(T) So everyone would get together and smooth out the details before hand.
(A) Yes, but there is a disadvantage to that also. Let’s say my wife and I have kids. I would be off the hook, because it is my choice, since the women are considered by society better caregivers for children. Now her chances of getting remarried are very small…
(T) Because she has the children
(A) Yes, and if she were to get married again she would have a hard life.
(T) So that would be an advantage to stay married then.
(A) Yes, that’s why I think we have such a low divorce rate.
(T) So what would be a traditional food in Nepal?
(A) Traditional food would be white rice… Actually we do not have a traditional food, we have a national food, because there so many different traditions. So we have national food, national dress, and national song.
(T) Alright
(A) Ok, so for national foods we have white rice and Dhindo, we call it Gundruk, and there are tomato pickles. These are the kind of foods we eat in Nepal. Since we’re talking about national foods like this, people prefer to eat on a copper plate.
(T) Copper? Why is that?
(A) It is called more royal, because, like the king and queen they would eat from a golden plate. But if you see a picture of the national food you will see it on a copper plate, because that represents us. It is more enriched; its values are more enriched.
(T) Its better than standard clay or ceramics.
(A) Exactly.
(T) Wow, there is even meaning in the way foods are presented.
(A) Yeah, and they are served in a particular way, we can’t just put everything, like here where you just dump everything on one plate.
(T) So are foods kept separate?
(A) Well… It’s more like what they are served with. For example, if you have chicken then you cannot have milk. Like when I first came here people would eat turkey sandwich with milk, but culturally we do not do that.
(T) Really? Why is that?
(A) Heh, I have no idea.
(T) Interesting
(A) I would like to stress one more thing.
(T) Oh, Sure
(A) Food has lots of different seasoning on it. What happens is the amount of seasonings show how artistic the cook was. Like for me, it is hard for me to remember all of the seasonings. I can remember the basic ingredients. So the mixture the proportion, we call it spicy. Spiciness as a flavor and it’s a little bit hot, but not as hot as a bunch of red pepper. So you’re able to feel the heat, and taste the spice and the food.
(T) Yeah, I know what you mean. I recently ate at the Star of India. I wasn’t sure what to order but I knew I was in the mood for something spicy, so I told the waiter and he chose my meal. It was amazing, I could taste the spices, the food, and there was still a nice amount of heat there. It was really good.
(A) Yeah, you know, In March we will be hosting a Nepal night.
(T) Ok
(A) Nepal night is a huge event, we expect 700 to 800 people that night. So it’s a 2 hour program, then we’ll be serving authentic Nepalese foods, and I would really appreciate it if you would come.
(T) Yeah, that sounds fun.
(A) It is, because food is the only way to experience the taste of the country.
(T) I’ll definitely try to make it. Alright, what is the national sport? Or a type of sport in Nepal?
(A)The national sport I would say is Gulli danta. So it pretty much works like this, you have two sticks. One stick looks like a pencil on both ends, and the other is just a regular long stick. Ok, so then they dig a small hole on the surface, then they place the pointed stick on top of the hole, then you take the other stick and use it to throw the stick up, it goes far. Then whoever is holding the straight stick tries to hit the pointed stick on one of the ends so it flips. Then, depending on how far the stick goes, depends on how many times you get to hit the stick. This is played by the farmers when they check on their cattle to pass the time. We play more soccer; soccer is really intense over there. Now when we came here we called it football and people said “Yeah we play football.” Then we were surprised to see the ball was an oval, because over here they call it soccer and over there we call it football. Then there is another sport called Kabadi; to play Kabadi you need to have power, so to play you draw a line and each team stands opposite each other. Then a person has to cross the line and try to touch one of the people on the other side and run back. But, they have to hold their breath as soon as they cross the line and if they breathe they lose. So the people on the other side will grab a hold of the person and try to keep them there until they breath. It’s a lot of fun...
(T) That sounds like a fun game. We played a game similar to this when I was a kid it was called Red Rover, each team linked arms and you would call someone from the other team over, and they had to try to break through and if they did they got to take a member from your team, otherwise they became a member of the opposite team. The whole point was to try and get everyone on your side.
(A) Heh, So those are the games people play, but everyone plays soccer. They play soccer everywhere.
(T) Cool, What would be one thing that makes you proud of your country
(A) We are called brave. Bravery. Gurkha; Gurkha is a battalion of army who fought. They prevented the British from colonizing our country. They captured India, but India was very hot, so there interest was our country. The British wanted our country for two reasons. The first is if they could get our country they could use our resources like our forested areas and our colder places, because the British like cool places. The second reason is that it would be a very good way to China. So that’s why they wanted Nepal. Some of the crazy stories you hear about how the Gurkha fought is… First the Gurkha did not use guns, but they were good in the jungle. So they would place beehives along the paths the British would have to take and then hit them with rocks to get them to fall...
(T) Yikes, that’s mean…
(A)Heh, yeah, another strategy they would use rock to crush them as they moved through mountain passes. So they were surprised at how we could fight and by how brave we were because we didn’t have a lot of bullets or guns. We had Kukri, which is our national weapon. It is kind of like a machete, but it’s not straight, it has a bent blade. So after, the Nepalese started a treaty with the British where the Nepalese would go and get trained and also train the British.
(T)Cool.
(A) Yeah, another is that Nepal is also the second richest country in water resources with Brazil being first.
(T) I suppose with the huge mountain ranges.
(A) Yeah, if you dig anywhere you will have water.
(T) That’s great, especially as fresh drinking water becomes scarce, Nepal could have a big businesses.
(A) Another is our flag. The colors represent different values. Red represents blood and bravery. Blue represents tolerance. Then the sun and moon are the celestial body that the Nepalese worship and take a lot of lessons… Say I forgot to do my homework my parents would say “Did the moon forget to rise or did the sun forget to set?” They also influence our names.
(T) Really?
(A) Yeah actually all Nepalese have two names one name chosen by our parents and the other is chosen by a priest who looks at the sun and the moon the stars. So using this they set your name. This name is not to be told by anyone.
(T) So is the naming ceremony performed on the day you’re born or is it after you’re a little bit older?
(A) A little later on, let’s say about after a month, the day you get your name is the actual day you were born. A priest can actually tell what kind of person you are based on your private name.
(T) So do your parents tell you your inner or secrete name?
(A) Yes. There is a ritual that has to be done in order to tell you your inner name.
(T) What places or sites would you recommend to tourists?
(A) Pokhara; Pokhara would be a very good tourist site. Dhulikhel, that’s where my mom is from; it is a really mountainous place. Then, Chitwan it is place where you can see all different kinds of animals. Chitwan is also listed as one of the world’s heritages. Chitwan has really good weather, it doesn’t fluctuate. Then there is Rolpa and Tilicho; Tilicho is a lake actually, it is the lake at the highest altitude.
(T) Wow, I’m sure the water is freezing.
(S) There are so many places… Solukmumbu; Solukmumbu is actually a base camp of Mt. Everest. My roommate is from there.
(T) Cool
(A) Each of these offer different cultures to experience. Kathmandu in the center will have all of the different cultures, but if you go north then you will see cultures closer to china and south you will find them closer to India.
(T) Ok. What festivals do you celebrate?
(A) Dashain, Tihar, Holi. Dashain is celebrated because it is victory of good over evil. So what happened is there was a devil that received a blessing from a god so that he could not be killed by anyone. So the devil decided to kill people and he got way out of control. Then the three gods Brahma, Vishnu and Shiva created the goddess Durga, because the devil could not be killed by any man. She was able to kill the devil, and then good things started to happen again. So that’s why we celebrate Dashain.
(T) So the victory was a new beginning for the Nepalese people?
(A) Yeah, that’s why we go and buy new cloths, clean the houses and get together with family and friends. It was a new start.
(T) What about Tihar?
(A) Tihar is the festival of light, so we like never have darkness in our life there is light everywhere, kind of like Halloween. Actually Tihar and Halloween fall about the same time.
(T) So for Tihar do you go around and “Trick or Treat”?
(A) Yes, we don’t have trick or treat, but people go around and sing songs, to get blessings like food, drink, money or spiritual blessings.
(T) That’s neat. We’ll skip the question on family values, because I think we covered it nicely earlier.
(A) Yeah, I think family values are taken to the main authority of the family.
(T) Yeah, so what are some differences you noticed between Nepal and America, or what are some things that shocked you about American culture?
(A) There are so many things, but the main difference I think is the high context society verses the low context society. For example, here what you say is what you mean while over there it is not… Say I am “pissed” with you and I was to say “I will kill you!” That might be taken literally here, but in Nepal they would be like “Come on, go to hell”. Another thing is here you smile at strangers, but over there it could be taken as an offence. Another difference is in Nepal there seems to be more time, but here time goes by quickly. I think I would like to talk more about cultural shock. Like when I was in the airport I was so excited to come to America. Things here are done quite differently, like for studying we have tests, in Nepal we do not have much home work. But here we can talk to the professors…
(T) What is the education system like in Nepal?
(A) The education system is not really customized to the student. Its first term, second term, final; it is very strict. There might be some tests here or there but it’s nothing like here.
(T) So how do they determine if you can graduate?
(A) We go ten years, and then take a test; if you pass the test then you can go to 11 and 12 and then on to college. The second part is depending on how you score on the exams, based on your score your family then determines your field of study.
(T) Ok.
(A) So like if I scored high in science then they would want me to go into science, even though I to study management.
(T) Oh Yeah?
(A) Yeah, that’s what happened to me. I wanted to study management, but my father wanted me to do mechanical engineering because I was good in science, but I changed it anyway to international business. My dad still doesn’t know that.
(T) Heh let him cool down before you tell him that...
(A) Yeah, over there what you study has been classified like science is at the top, then management, art is at the bottom.
(T) Ok, well finally what is the form of government?
(A) Federal democratic republic it is a new system they have there.
(T) Was that in 2008?
(A) I think it was in 2007 when the king was overthrown.
(T) So it was a monarchy before that?
(A) No, before that it was a democracy. Then there was this guy who felt that the people running the country were not doing it properly so he took over power and then it became a monarchy. That did not work so well and the king was dethroned by rebels and now we have a federal republic.
(T) So it is really similar to the U.S. system now.
(A) Yeah, we are at the beginning stages of democracy. While you have been doing it for a long time, so it will take Nepal a long time to fully adopt the system.
(T) Well I think you are at an advantage starting now, because you can learn from the experiences from the other countries that have tried it potently end up with a better system.
(A) Yeah and more over it will change the culture of our country as we adopt these new beliefs. Like Nepal was one of the first countries to recognize gay and lesbian marriages, but it is still not acceptable in our society, because the society in Nepal is very old so I think there needs to be another generation to make those social changes.
(T) Yeah, as you children become adults they will be more accepting of these new social dynamics.
(A) Eventually, there will be less of a generation gap.
(T) That’s good.
(A) I think so, because our society is progressing, but we are still in the early stages.
(T) Well, that’s all the questions, did you have any you would like to ask.
(A) No. I hope I helped you out.
(T) More than you know, I think that this was one of my favorite interviews. Thank you again.
(A) No problem.
I turned off the recorder and we talked briefly about Nepal night and a few things that I learned from the other interviews.
